Jasmine Hart

Thanks so much you guys. I'm very grateful for all of your comments, and will try to incorporate them into my rewrite of this, once I make myself focus long ...

Happy birthday!

Congratulations!

I agree with Amon. Look at the moments in his life which have brought him to where he is. That will make him a character rather than a concept. Remember ...

Nice one, Clau.

Hi. I enjoyed this. It starts well, and the opening imagery works well. I especially liked; "millions of tiny gold pennies, falling from grace down into the drainpipes, rolling into ...

Hi. You have some good phrases here; "enslaved by this blindness" and "beauty transcended", but, as a whole, I think that this needs to be cleaned up a bit. In ...

Different people work in different ways. If I sit down at my desk, make myself stay put for an hour, and try to write a poem, I probably will not ...

Hi. Welcome to YWS! This opens well as the first line is dramatic and draws the reader in. I'd add a full stop at the end of each couplet. Actually, ...

I love these. You adhered to the form perfectly, and your imagery is beautiful and clear. The second is my favourite. I really love; "The purple black enchantment." It's a ...

Hi. Welcome to YWS! First I'd click "edit" and change the format of this. Use the space bar to get onto a new line. I'd try something like this; "Sometimes ...

Hi. Your imagery is great here, and this flows very well. I think that; "Of those that try define it." is a bit forced, as is the whole second stanza. ...

Hi. You have some good imagery here, such as; "The grave sits awkwardly on this silent hill," "An organ plays in a stone-cold church, " and "A child sits on ...

The rain has made spots on the window panes. Now the long dish of gravel and the almost-jaundiced shrubbery are speckled, so maybe it's time for your arrival. You can ...

There's a gallery of glasses, half empty of water, displayed on my desk. You told me water would help to sober me up and fight the pain of morning when ...